The Month That Was - March 2024

I'm living with a persistent, vague anxiety.

Some of my struggle is also the realization that I will never recapture the carefree and -- dare I say -- adventurous life I lived from roughly age 35 to age 50. It is possible that such a life is not appropriate or even possible for a man of my age (although I think it is possible and who cares what is appropriate) and that I should embrace my new parameters.  That's fair. And perhaps I should be grateful that while my life has increasingly become more constricting it has, on the whole, become more meaningful.   

It is interesting to divide my adult life into 15 year sections.  20-35 was young adulthood; a lot of lost years, struggling to find my independence, coming to terms with the realities of the world and the awakening of understanding my limitations and how my self-image was delusion.  35- 50 were the Salad Days.  Maybe 50-65(ish) are the mature phase, where I've found responsibility and dependability are the tools of meaning and that relationships (of all sorts) are the measure of meaning.  What will 65(ish)-80(ish) hold?  Acceptance and peace?  Disappointment and confusion?  Satisfaction?  Regret?  I suppose it is inevitable that I will find out.

I need to start writing again.  I was going to put it off until I retired, but that was wrong-headed.  New goal:  Kick off one, possibly two, new book projects.

[Autos] Car Concerns

[Movies] Flick Check: Bad Action 

[Books] Book Look: The Adventures and Misadventures of Maqroll

The Month That Was - February 2024

I'm afraid I have to bail on this month.  I really hate doing that.  I think I've only done it a handful of times in over 20 years, but I haven't had any time to do anything but my day job this month -- it's gotten particularly horrendous  -- and even when I have time to breathe I'm too brain dead to write anything.  Honestly, if it takes so much of my energy that I can't even update this site, something has to be done.  Can't last forever, right?  I promise to be back next month, somehow.  Deepest apologies.

The Month That Was - January 2024

My memory is uncertain but I think I started blogging in 1999, which means I've been at this for a quarter-century this year.  Nobody actually blogs anymore, at least not in the original sense.  Not even me.  I just do monthly postings to keep my writing muscles engaged.  At the start I didn't have my own url.  I just had some space allocated by my internet Provide.Net, so my page was something like www.provide.net/dmazz which was my personal allotted space on their servers.  There were no blogging tools so I coded HTML by hand and made adjustments to pagination manually with every post. I got quite efficient at it.  It was during that pre-Google era that my blog reached the height of its popularity when I managed to get listed in Yahoo's list of blogs.  In alphabetic order A Dam Site was at the top of the page so anyone who searched for blogs saw mine first in the list.  Had I been smarter and more foresightful I would have parlayed that into a tech empire. (Interestingly, provide.net still exists as some sort of specialty internet provider with a very reasonably priced fiber offering.  I'm guessing they are a reseller/installer, but idk.)

In any event, we once again increment the year and I have an opportunity to reconfirm my new year's resolutions, which are really just my life principles.

1. Enhance the lives of the people I care about.

2. Fight sloth (the Deadly Sin, not the adorable forest creature).

I see no reason to change those.

[TV] Alas, Toob Notes

[Rant] San Francisco State of Mind

[Michigan] Michigan State of Mind

The Month That Was - December 2023

Nostalgia: remember when the changing of the year meant you would mis-date the checks you wrote for a couple of weeks?  Now our electronic payments, and even our clocks, know what the day and time is with us telling them, like we're billionaires or something.  

I still wear a lovely mechanical watch that requires winding and resetting the date for months that are shorter than 30 days and it loses about 30 seconds a day so I have to adjust the time every couple of days.  I know it's off because of all those fancy-schmancy electronics.  A TAG Heuer Carrera if you must know. It was a very expensive gift from a very dear friend.  I have been tempted to get a Google watch for activity tracking and such but I would only wear it on my right wrist, the TAG will always retain its place of honor.

Years increment, time passes, memories recede.  Some things should endure.

[Rant] Holiday Ruminations 

[TV] Toob Notes: The Smart and The Stupid

[Good Links] Year-End List

The Month That Was - November 2023

Well, I spent Thanksgiving weekend sick in Omaha, which sounds awful, but I was grateful.  I was with the SO's family, including three high-energy grandkids who were laboring under the impression that I was just a large toy to be physically abused.  I was happy to be able to instruct the oldest boy (age 6) in the finer points of "I know you are but what am I?" and "I'm rubber, you're glue…".

I also benefited from a traditional Thanksgiving dinner which I haven't had in long enough to not remember when. So despite my sickness and the general mortality fears that keep growing, I find myself quite grateful for my life.  

[Travel] Omaha

[Roaring 20s] The New Next Thing

[TV] Toob Notes

The Month That Was - October 2023

A relatively eventful month as you will read below.  October did what it was supposed to: opened with the last vestiges of Summer and ended with a glance at the winter to come.  I got to enjoy some of the colors this year, which I don't recall doing in the last couple of years, probably due to travel.

Otherwise I soldier on.  Pushing through each day.  Trying not to panic about everything I should be doing that I am not.  Subtly fearful of what changes aging has in store for me and will I be able to adapt.  It's just the underlying hum of my life.

[Health and Fitness] Time Waits for No One

[Savannah] Re-evaluating Savannah

[Music, Rant] Sound in Your Skull

The Month That Was - September 2023

The passing of September makes me 63 years old.  It's a birthday of no consequence.  No boundary has been crossed.  No symbolic meaning.  No great revelations.  At least 62 had the significance of me being able to apply for Social Security, even though I'm not going to.  64 has the significance of being in a famous Beatles song.  But 63 -- I got nothin'. 

In fact I have little to report at all.  I've been doing nothing but rolling along with my life, lost in my habits. In the past I would have felt as though I'm missing out, but now I welcome a stretch of routine and normalcy.  With a warmer than normal winter predicted, I'm pretty content at the moment.

[Music] Changes in Gratitude

[TV] Streaming Stories

[Cars] Whatever Happened to Ten Years Ago

The Month That Was - August 2023

Storms -- we had awful storms, high winds, tornados, power outages.  I can't remember a wetter summer.  Correspondingly it's also been a greener summer than I can remember.  Whenever I travel down to southern headquarters I am reminded of what a lush, verdant state Michigan is.  It is a thing I will miss if I leave.

I say "if" because I had the SO and daughter up for extended time in the mitten.  We visited Saugatuck and Traverse City and they were very impressed.  It's hard not to be impressed with Michigan when the weather cooperates.  It kind of re-opens the door to staying up here and simply snowbirding down south when it gets cold.  

As a strange surprise, my Michigan income tax return was held up for review this year with the result being they found a larger refund than I calculated.  Which is mind blowing because, a) they did it at all and, b) I'm pretty good at taxes and I'm pretty sure I did them correctly.  Now I'm concerned they will find it was a mistake and ask for it back.

Maybe I should spend it quickly. 

Content this month is light.  Visitors and travel have been a big distraction.  More next month, including my eulogy for Jimmy Buffet.  

[Rant] Tell You of my Dreaming

[TV] Unjustified

[Travel] Parks Outside the Box

The Month That Was - July 2023

One thing I have not been able to do this summer is swim in the lake.  Between trips to Southern Headquarters and fire ant sores (see below) I haven't got out to the lake yet. Also I was late getting my sprinkler system started up and we hit a dry spell that pretty much killed my lawn.  Then as soon as I got it going the rains came and made it irrelevant.  I haven't turned them on since.

You could title the above paragraph Summer Problems of a Lucky Man.  Every summer like this is a gift.

[Nature] Ants of Fire

[Ann Arbor] Ann Arbor Backslide

[TV] Toob Notes - Partial Impressions

The Month That Was - June 2023

I'm surprised I haven't heard more Smoke on the Water jokes. You've seen the pictures from New York.  It was actually worse in the Detroit area for a while.  Smoke from massive wildfires in Canada have darkened the skies over Michigan and the expectation is that it will continue until October.  Part of the reason for that is the scope of the fires is enormous.  Another reason is that Canadians don't seem to feel a sense of urgency about it because many of the fires are in remote regions with little threat to life or property.

I spent four days out in Orange County for work.  Sadly, I didn't get to do anything other than work, but I was put in mind why, throughout the last century, people rushed to live in California.  It was simply the best weather I have ever experienced; sunny and 70s with a wonderful sea breeze. Irvine, where I was specifically, is walkable and filled with outdoor plazas and dining.  It was a reminder of the times when Cali was associated with chill.  From the OC down to San Diego it can still shine like the days of old.

Returning to Michigan we are in the midst of 90 degree heat, stifling humidity, dark skies, and unbreathable air, and recommendations to stay inside and mask up.  These fires are going to destroy our beautiful Michigan summer.

[Rant] Death Watch: San Francisco

[Rant] A Moment of Gratitude

[TV] The Bear, Season 2

The Month That Was - May 2023

As I write this I am in fear of missing another month (update: turns out I'm just very late).  This one because I am mostly drawing a blank on topics.  This site is largely unsuccessful at attracting eyeballs because I don't write about bombastic stuff designed to inflame your neurosis.  Nor do I write anything that is too deeply personal or anything regarding other people in my life or work.  I also offer no special expertise or important information to share.  I would consider those the three things that attract an audience to web writing and I'm 0/3. The last one, I have nothing to offer.  The first two I am too old school to find appropriate.  I guess, for the time being the purpose of this site is just to keep me in the habit of writing, if even just in a small way.  I have previously sworn not to start another novel until I retire (not that far away). So in that sense, not having topics is a good challenge to keep the writing muscles in shape.  

If I really wanted to be an influential writer I would start a Substack. That's what anyone who is anyone is doing.  They provide a great format for long form writing, one which is very easy to monetize.  But I would be facing the same issue I am here.  What would I write about that would be of value (productive value or entertainment value) that wouldn't be one of these three things.  What I do have for a project is publishing all 5 of my books as substacks with nominal fees.  But again that's for some time in the future.

All this in an environment where the written word is being abandoned in favor of youtubes and podcasts. And the world's greatest twitter troll, Three Year Letterman, is releasing his new book, Not Some Random Clown, as a series of tweets.  

This world has moved beyond me.

[Sports] Things Are Getting Interesting

[Travel, Rant] Scurrying about Down South

The Month That Was - April 2023

I'm thinking I might need to start another writing project.  I don't have five minutes to spare in the day of late, but still I find myself feeling like I need to write more.  I am, in fact, running out of time in life, not just the day, but that's a different topic.  I had intended to not start another manuscript until I retired, because I am busier these days than I have ever been.  But there is definitely a hole where I would normally be thinking about writing.  I have to keep in mind that even if I can only work on the project for an hour or two a week, it will be progress for when I can get to it full time.  I have two separate concepts for novels that I want to pursue and there will be no harm in laying the groundwork or sketching outlines.  Maybe I can actually get some of the early throw-away work done.

[Travel] Swiftly to Atlanta

[Rant] RIP Portland

[Roaring 20s] Roaring 20s 2.0, The Weirdness is Now

The Month That Was - March 2023

I don't know what to say other than I completely forgot.  I was heading down to Southern Headquarters at the end of last month, with the intent to write up my usual monthly nonsense and it just vanished from my mind.  Sometime around March 12th it occurred to me I had written nothing for February.

Possible explanations:

1. I may be losing it.  I have on very rare occasions missed a month over the past 24 years, but I've always done it on purpose, with the understanding that circumstances simply didn't allow it.  This time I simply forgot.  Like I was some kind of old man or something.

2. I'm out of the writing habit.  With the publishing of The Hawk Sahib, I no longer have a major writing project I'm working on.  Writing habits are delicate things. Abandon one habit and the related habits are affected.  Maybe.

3. I'm simply too busy with my day job.  My day job is related to the U.S. tax calendar.  So this is the busiest time of year for me, coupled with the fact that I am, perhaps ironically, working the hardest I ever have now that I'm pushing retirement. The brain only has so much bandwidth. For the record, I hate the idea of "busy with work" as an excuse.

I don't know.  Whatever the case, the world didn't end.  It's possible nobody even noticed.  As my good friend ChatGPT pointed out:

who is david mazzotta?

I'm sorry, but I don't have any information about a person named David Mazzotta. It's possible that he is a private individual with no public presence or notable achievements, or he may not be a well-known figure. Without more context or information, it's difficult to determine who David Mazzotta is.

Amen, buddy.

[Travel, Florida] St. Augustine

[Books] The Wrecker

[TV] Toob Notes

The Month That Was - January 2023

For the 63rd time I increment the year count. The year count has come to mean pretty much nothing to me.  I am fast asleep by midnight on the 31st.  Frankly, so is everyone I know.  Or if they are not, they are mindlessly watching a ball drop on TV amidst a parade of crappy musical performances by people I've never heard of.  Yawn.  

I'm trying to think back on if I had any memorable New Year's Eves.  I recall one time when I was a freshman in college and a group got together over winter break for a bit of a party.  It was a happy bunch, and since we were at someone's house, rather than a bar or a dorm, everyone was fairly well behaved.  The year was rolling over into 1980 and I recall the frequently verbalized sentiment was that the '70s were awful, let's hope the '80s are better.  I think they were.  In my recollection, the '80s were vastly superior to the '70s.  For completeness, the 90s were on par with the '80s; everything since has been a homogenous blob of "just OK" with some bright spots here and there.

Strangely, other than that I have only a couple passing memories of specific New Year's Eves.  I recall taking a train trip with a long ago ex-girlfriend to Toronto one year and mostly being bored and annoyed. I recall one wherein I did a midnight 5k run through Ann Arbor with another long ago ex, ending up with drinks in a downtown bar that no longer exists.  Other than those, I can't identify a single specific NYE memory.

Good. Maybe that means I don't feel the need to wait for a demarcation to make a change or adjust my life.  Maybe I'm advanced enough to see things as a continuum -- an eternal on-going effort to improve and grow.  Maybe I'm just beyond all the silly shenanigans that surround it.

Or maybe I'm just a wet blanket. 

[Travel] Seaside Sojourn

[Rant] Something Less Than Human

[Cars] Not Quite Yet

The Month That Was - December 2022

"What have we learned, Palmer?" That quote is far too obscure to expect anyone to know it.  It's from an underappreciated Coen Bros. film, Burn After Reading.  After a movie's worth of dysfunctional and absurd madness ends, J. K. Simmons asks that of his underling. He answers his own question with, "I guess we learned not to do it again.  I'm f*cked if I know what we did."

Last year at this time I was just getting over a horrendous bout with Covid, I had hung on to my job by the skin of my teeth, and was diagnosed with arthritis.  This year I'm doing better.  I have found some security, and even advancement, at work, albeit with a good deal more day to day stress. So with the absurd madness of Covid and career upheaval in the past, I can only think to ask myself, "What have we learned, Palmer?"  Sadly my answer is the same as J.K. Simmons'. 

As always I continue to fall back on the same two New Year's Resolutions:

1. Enhance and enrich the lives of people I care about.

2. Fight sloth (the Deadly Sin, not the adorable forest creature).

I've done well on (1).  I bought a house in Savannah to facilitate my dejure step-daughter's education. Also, I was able to see my assistance to a beloved friend pay off in her getting her Master's Degree and relocating to Arizona with a comfy job.  (2) remains a never-ending battle.

[Rant, Travel] Hertz Hurts

[TV] Toob Notes

[Roaring 20s] Roaring 20s 2.0 Follow Up

The Month That Was - November 2022

Thanks were given.  Whatever griping and sniveling I may do from time to time, I really do understand and appreciate how lucky I am as you can see from my missive below. 

I find I'm busying myself with house stuff.  For the past five or so years I have had a houseguest with a cat.  Now that they're gone, I feel like it's time to get back to some upgrades.  I am also slowly working through a purge of Stuff in anticipation of eventually selling the place.  I realize those two things are at odds.  You should never upgrade in advance of selling because you never make your money back.  We'll see how that develops.

I feel a bit weird not having a writing project active for the first time in a quarter-century. For now I still plan to hold off on the next project until retirement.  Bit by bit, I'm making progress towards that time and the start of the next chapter.

[Travel, Rant] Gratitude Checklist

[Rant] More of the Same

[Roaring 20s] Roaring 20s 2.0: ChatGPT is My Co-pilot

The Month That Was - October 2022

What's done is done.  My new book, The Hawk Sahib, is now on Kindle (also linked in the sidebar).  More below.  I wish I could say there was a strong sense of accomplishment, but I have had so many distractions and false starts over the years, that any sense of anticipation I had was gone and it feels like just another chore completed.  Perhaps I will feel otherwise in the fullness of time.

Other than that it was a month like any other.  I have begun baby-stepping towards getting my house in shape for listing.  Mostly that means getting rid of junk.  When I moved in 12 years ago I did a comprehensive junk purge and resolved not to fill my life with more crap.  Epic fail.  One of the difficulties is that, for a lot of stuff that you wish to be rid of, there is no easy way to dispose of it.  Trash collectors and donation centers have rules about what they'll take.  Basically, if it is inconvenient and worthless -- which a great deal of what I am trying to rid myself of is -- you not only can't sell it, but you'll have to pay someone to take it off your hands. Try to rid yourself of a 36" cathode ray tube TV and see how far you get.

Lord, deliver me from stuff.

[Books] The Hawk Sahib

[Cars] Auto Aspirations

[TV, Movies] Disney's Dive

The Month That Was - September 2022

This month I officially reached the age at which I am eligible to collect Social Security.  Should there be deep meaning in that?  I can see none.  I'm still working so I won't be collecting it just yet.  I summarized my feelings about this point in my life a couple of months ago.  I think that was about right.  The passing of my birthday changed nothing.

For the past five years I have housed a friend and grad student in the upstairs of my home.  I was apprehensive at first, but it worked out well and it was a way to enhance the life of someone I care about, which I maintain is the ultimate purpose of life.  I'm delighted that she achieved her goals and she has left to kick off the next chapter of her life, but she had a cat that I got very attached to.  I find I developed more habits concerning the cat than I had imagined.  Rituals around feeding and scratches and cardboard boxes I habitually start to do even in its absence.  Basically, I miss the cat.  (No, I have to tell my friends, do not get me a cat to help me heal from my loss. I leave town too often to take proper care of a pet.)

Next month -- my new book.  For sure.

[Savannah, Travel] Savannah Views

[Baseball, Sports] Baseball Been Berry Berry Good

The Month That Was - August 2022

The opening of the Dexter Cider Mill is a local indicator that the long slide into Autumn is nigh.  Truth in advertising: I haven't been to the Cider Mill in many years, but I drive by it nearly every day.  People come from far and wide.

I find I don't dread winter as much as I used to.  Perhaps because it is no yard work to worry about.  Or perhaps I've survived so many of them they no longer phase me.  Or perhaps my fears of terrible drives to work are abated by the ability to work from home. In any event Winter is still months away.  I don't know why my mind went there.

Regarding my next book.  The name of it will be The Hawk Sahib.  It is a murder mystery set in Lhasa, Tibet in the 1890s.  How's that for esoteric?  It is on the dark side for me. I like to think there is a bit of Kipling and a bit of Conan Doyle in it.  I do not expect any people outside my personal demographic to have the slightest interest and then only a tiny minority with that demographic.  Such is the benefit of writing without concern for an audience; I can write to suit myself.  More details once I get the damn cover issues sorted out and find some time to actually push it up to Kindle.

[TV] End of Saul

[TV] The Bear

[Good Links, Rant] How to Twitter

The Month That Was - July 2022

It will not surprise you to know that the book is not ready yet.  The latest snag is with the cover art.  Even though it is only going to be on Kindle it still needs cover art. And all the graphics I like have royalties attached to them.  So the hunt for a royalty free cover continues.  I have high hopes for next month.  On the upside, ideas for a sequel are forming in my brain.

I still have not seen the house I bought in Savannah, but that's another thing I hope to do this month.  More on that purchase adventure below.

Beyond that, it's been a beautiful summer, if a bit warm.  I've been on the bike a lot; enough that I am considering buying a new one since mine is an Amazon-special purchased at least 15 years ago.  Although I am told bikes, like many things, are in short supply.

Whatever the case, I continue to plod forward, still above ground.

[TV] Two from the Wasteland

[Sports] Tour de France 

[House and Home] Homes Sweet Homes