Monday, April 15, 2002

That Was Zen, This Is Tao: Forwarded by The Legendary KK, Your Daily Moment of Zen (modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me alone.

  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

  • It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to to it.
  • Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

  • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

  • No one is listening until you fart.

  • Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

  • Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

  • Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment

  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket

  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  • Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.

  • We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our bum... then things get worse.

  • Worry is today's mouse eating tomorrow's cheese

  • The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.