Tuesday, March 04, 2003

I'm With Stupid: We have a bunch of new entries in the ongoing reality series, Who Wants to be a Brainless Dolt. First we have the folks who displayed a valuable Dali original in a jail and were shocked when it was stolen.

The audacious thief was apparently not only brazen enough to confiscate Dali's sketchy rendering of Christ on the cross from a locked display case in the lobby of the men's jail, but he or she also managed to leave behind a schlocky, B-rate copy that at least three correction officers were puzzled to find upon reporting to work yesterday morning.

Imagine that. How ever could a hardened criminal from Rikers get past a locked display case?

It's a worthy entry, but for relating to the public at large, you can't beat the Captain Obvious senselessness of falling for those Nigerian e-mail scams. The added spice here is that, if you're reasonably active on the web, you get about 8 variations of this each day. How do you pick the one that sounds most real?

It seems the halfwits who fall for this can end up getting kidnapped or killing convenient accessible Nigerians in a violent rage. Kids, remember: Stupidity is not a game - just say no.

But the new leaders in the stupidity contest are the indescribably thick-headed creatures who trekked to Iraq to become human shields for Saddam. They went through hell to get to Iraq because they are convinced that Saddam is really a nice guy and only wants to defend children and small cuddly animals from heartless laser guided missiles. Once they arrived they were stunned to realize they weren't being used as human shields for pre-schools and baby-milk factories, but were being placed around actual military targets.

Suddenly, the slogan "Arms are for hugging" doesn't seem all that comforting.

My question is, How do people like this live to adulthood? Seriously, how do you go about your day-to-day life with the IQ of a hamster? Do you have to have a note pinned to your shirt to remind you to eat and breathe? Check this out:

...a 500 pound donation from a well-wisher in Istanbul was squandered on boxes of Prozac in a misguided attempt to cheer up the war-weary Iraqi civilians.

I am at a loss for words. Obviously, it is simply too easy to live and thrive in the civilized West. This is a real test of Darwinism. The fact that these drooling morons have survived to adulthood seems to fly in the face of natural selection. On the other hand, given the opportunity they have proven themselves willing to go to great lengths to die unnatural deaths and beat an early retreat from the gene pool. I guess time will tell. Either way, for the sake of the species, we must simply hope they have not bred in great numbers.