A Reader's Request: Poor fellow. Too bad I had to turn him down.

-----Original Message-----
From: ken green kabila [mailto:ken_green45@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, February 22, 2002 11:10 PM
To: [[ME]]
Subject: CONFIDENTIAL

ATTN:
Re Urgent Assistance

Kindly allow me the modesty of introducing myself. I am KEN GREEN KABILA, the son of the former head of state/ president of Congo-Kinshasha (then called Zaire) Mr. Laurent Desire Kabila.

I am contacting you in order to ask for your assistance on this Confidential Business proposal with full financial benefit for both of us.

Before I go into further details please be informed that I am writing without any other person(s) pre-knowledge of my contacting you on this transaction. Therefore I will appreciate same attitude to be maintained all through.

I have the sum of USD55Million from a secret sale of Diamond by my Father before he was assassinated by one of his body guard (Rashid) on January 16th 2001, which I will like you to receive on my behalf due to security reasons, as my narration below will explain. But before I continue be well informed that your share in this transaction has been calculated at 15% of the total sum of USD$55M, 5% for expenses and the rest for my family and me.

My father as a real African traditionalist was a polygamist thereby Having married so many wives, and my mother being the second wife of my father, My stepbrother Joseph, who is the current president of my country, is the son of the first wife and he does not have any knowledge about this deal.

Already president Joseph is using his power to colonize all the money And private property, which my father left behind for the whole family. Now my mother and I are left with nothing in the inheritance of my late father's wealth. Our situation is seriously critical that we need your assistance to help us receive these funds overseas for proper investment.

Let me quickly assure you the 100% safe proof of this transaction Because the diamond sales are packaged from the onset in a pattern that shows no direct trace or linkage with us (Kabila family). At present the money is in cash and is secured in a security company as family treasures, as I don't want to deposit the money in a financial institution for fear of the funds being confiscated

The consignment will be released within seven (7) days of my being in receipt of your reply via my email address above only for security reasons.

I am waiting for your swift and favorable response, and in case you have any question(s), do not hesitate to contact me.

Best Regards,
KEN GREEN KABILA.
You can also contact me through this my alternative email
address( ken_green98@yahoo.com)

My response:

Dear Ken,

Thanks for your generous offer. I do have some questions before we proceed.

I am KEN GREEN KABILA, the son of the former head of state/ president of Congo-Kinshasha (then called Zaire) Mr. Laurent Desire Kabila.

I gather from your father’s name that in addition to being head of state he was also a porn star. That’s very impressive. Would you have any insights in how one gets into that business?

Before I go into further details please be informed that I am writing without any other person(s) pre-knowledge of my contacting you on this transaction. Therefore I will appreciate same attitude to be maintained all through.

No problem. I will discuss it with no one. But I assume it’s OK to post it on my web site.

...he was assassinated by one of his body guard (Rashid)

I knew a Rashid once. Distasteful fellow. Worked at the local Arby’s. About 5'4" and 200 lbs. Dirty fingernails. Always looked at you like you owed him money. No appreciation of the finer things.

My father as a real African traditionalist was a polygamist

Ah, I see. The whole porn star thing was just a way to profit from polygamy; what with all those women around, you may as well turn on the camera, eh? Your dad was a clever guy. Tell me, did he use any supplements to increase his, er, vigor?

Already president Joseph is using his power to colonize all the money And private property, which my father left behind for the whole family.

By private property, do you mean perhaps some personal videotapes. There are Internet sites where they may net you more than that silly diamond did. At least, that’s what I'm told. I wouldn't know for sure, of course. I just must have read it somewhere. Um, I can't remember exactly...

At present the money is in cash and is secured in a security company as family treasures, as I don't want to deposit the money in a financial institution for fear of the funds being confiscated

That’s wise. Never trust a bank - they get robbed all the time. Cash is much safer. None of that annoying paperwork either.

I am waiting for your swift and favorable response

Well, I must tell you that I am currently engaged in transaction with a banking minister from Nigeria who is in dire need of a foreign account in which to deposit funds from a procurement overpayment and it’s taking up most of my time. But I wish you the best of luck in resolving your problems.

If you have any info on your late father’s other career please pass it along.

Regards.