Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Toob Uber Alles: Let me just say Comcast digital cable is exceedingly sweet, as are two-tuner DVRs, both of which I have had since Friday. Since then I have:
  • Watched two delightfully cheesy movies. One: the bizarre cult horror film Suspiria. Not scary -- often amateurish and silly -- but oddly mesmerizing. I was surprised to discover that I could be mesmerized by cheese. Behold the power... Two: The Silencers, a goofy '60s James Bond knock off starring Dean Martin as Matt Helm. How I miss the days women were all voluptuous and dumb, and men were unrepentant about their coarse sexuality. Nowadays that only exists in porn.

  • Seen three great movies from years back. One: Hope and Glory, a fond and funny remembrance of growing up during the Nazi blitz of London (how's that for an ironic pretense). It was hell for the grown-ups, but a blast for the kids. Two: Grosse Pointe Blank which is run many times a year on cable but always hacked worse than Jamie Lee Curtis in a slasher flick. This was the first time I ever saw it untouched and uninterrupted. Fabulous. Worth the monthly fee all by itself. Three: another cult favorite, Clerks. Rarely shown on TV because it is virtually impossible to edit out the naughty bits. Brilliantly raises juvenile toilet humor to high art. You can tell it's art because it's in black & white.

  • Seen two movies that weren't terrible, but I'm glad I didn't pay to see them in the theatre. One: a curious, dark and surrealistic effort from the Coen bros. called, Barton Fink. Not entirely sure what to make of it, but it was very stylish. It featured a brilliant lead performance by John Turturro, who has to be one of the most malleable actors around today. Two: Gangs of New York, which was poor Scorsese, thereby making it about average for everyone else. Too long and overwrought, and uncharacteristically miscast.

  • Recorded shows like Carnivale, Iron Chef America, Nero Wolfe reruns and Curb Your Enthusiasm reruns in the background, while watching other shows in the foreground. Whoa.

And coolest of all, if at any point in my viewing, even during a live broadcast, I needed to use the facilities, I just pressed pause. But even if I didn't press pause, I could just rewind if I missed something. It was like have a time machine localized around the TV set. Damn, I wish I could do that for other parts of my life. Imagine being able to hit rewind at the blackjack table. And how fun would it be to have a pause button on Bourbon St.?