Sunday, September 01, 2002

Y'all Come Back Now - Y'Hear?: As you may have heard by now, we're about to be treated to something along the lines of The Reality Hillbillies on CBS. Yep, they are planning on finding some backwards rubes from the south, transplanting them into a big ole mansion (with a see-ment pond), giving them a ton of money and putting it all on TV. Now, you're probably thinking, "It's been done, it was called The Clinton Administration," and you'd be right, but what they are really looking for is a reality version of the Beverly Hillbillies.

Think of the tie-ins. Reality Ellie Mae goes on The Bachelor looking for a husband. Reality Jethro on Survivor: Appalachia (squeal like a pig!). Reality Granny chasing around some trampy trailer-trash teens with a frying pan on Jerry Springer. Reality Jed runs for mayor and gets endorsements from Ross Perot and the NRA.

You think I'm kidding? No, I fully expect that about three years after this show has had it's run, we'll see Reality Ellie Mae try to salvage her career by posing in Playboy, and we'll be treated to a Biography episode where we find Reality Jethro was a moonshine addict and only found peace when he joined AA and fought Jesse Ventura in Celebrity Boxing. Reality Granny will turn up as a TV private eye on the WE network, with Jerry Van Dyke as a sidekick/love interest, courtesy of the makers of Matlock. Reality Jed will be running for president and have the support of Larry King and Ted Nugent.

Every day, the news is full of horrible tragedies - violence, poverty, oppression, poisonous flying monkeys - and yet, I can't imagine anything more depressing than this.

Actually I can. It's the reply from Fox. They are going to reverse the formula by taking a some rich and/or famous folks and have them live is a rural backwater. Yes, it's a Reality Green Acres.

I weep. Can somebody spare a small glass of hemlock?