I still have no affinity for Disney World. I don't hate it and am certainly not offended by it. My knee-jerk response is to respect the hustle, but even that is too cynical. Actually, I tremendously admire the operational excellence. The service level is legendary and rightly so -- you can stop anyone in any theme park and ask them about something specific and they will tell you; nobody shrugs and says I don't know. Technological excellence is there too. You can buy a wristband which is then connected to your room or credit card and identifies you in the pictures that are taken at various places throughout the park which you can then purchase. Although you know you are spending money it doesn't feel like it. Brilliant. Lines are long but everything moves at a steady pace. So much is so well thought out, you can't help but be impressed, and disappointed at the level of effort put into every other service business you encounter in the outside world.
The closest thing to a theme park for an adult is Epcot which is a pretty cool place. Epcot has some interesting food and shops in the various "countries". China is a good one. There's a 360 theatre with an Intro to China which was visually stunning 20 years ago but is beginning to seem terribly out of date. There are often live bands. (Tony Orlando was featured this day, and it will take all my might not to snark.) Morocco is cool-looking. Canada, perhaps ironically, is also interesting.
If you are a grown-up Epcot's the spot to visit -- unless you want to count Disney Springs (formerly Downtown Disney, formerly Pleasure Island) which is really just a big shopping/restaurant area. It used to have The Adventurer's Club which was the closest thing Disney ever did to targeting adults, so it had to be killed.
(Aside: Remember the days when Disney was angling for more adults and Vegas was angling for more families? Those were not better days. Stay in your lane.)
I managed to see the fireworks from Grand Floridian which is the flagship Disney resort and worthy of the name. In truth, there's a lot to recommend in Disney and I can see how adults might want to visit, even without kids. It has what could be called "dependable quality". If you want a really nice trip where you can enjoy the good life and minimize the possibility of a snafu. Disney is your place.
But still, it's not for me. What's for me is the Gulf Coast.
For the second time in my life I swam with Manatees. I can't recommend this highly enough. This is not swimming in a pool with captive Manatees. This is swimming with them out in the wild in their natural habitat. And when I call it swimming, I mean more like floating. You are given a wetsuit and snorkel gear, and a big foam noodle because they really don't want you actually swimming, the splashing and noise bothers the creatures. Your guide locates them from the boat, then everyone gently, quietly enters the water from 20 yards away or so and slowly makes their way to the manatees location.
A Manatee is actually the closest thing to a living Disney movie creature. They have no natural enemies and they only eat sea grass, so they are pretty much totally chilled out about everything. They are huge, friendly, and peaceful. They just sort of slowly lumber about in the shallows eating and chilling. If they surface near you for air, you are permitted to gently stroke them -- they have a kind of slimy feel -- before they re-submerge. The adults take no notice of you. At one point I had swam far from the boat and on my way back actually collided directly with a big adult that was surfacing. It took literally had no reaction; I was nothing more than a fly spec to it. The calves, on the other hand, will occasionally roll about on the surface and play.
Crystal River is Manatee Central, mainly because it is a spring fed river where the year round water temperature is between 72-74 degrees. So in the winter, the Manatees migrate in to get out of the colder Gulf. I have been told that the ideal time to see them is December and January when they will be most numerous. However even when it gets warm the cows stay with their young calves that are not ready to migrate back into the Gulf. That makes it a year-round activity because it is the calves that are the most playful.
To see the manatees you sign up for a tour. There are a number companies that run tours on pontoon style boats. My only suggestion is you get one that's going out earliest in the day; it gives you a slight edge in finding and claiming manatees. There is a certain honor among the tour companies -- it seems if you have found a manatee the other tours stay away until your tour group moves on.
The downside to this is Crystal River is pretty far from anything. It is located on what is called Florida's "Nature Coast", which is the more lightly-developed area starting about an hour north of Tampa and extending to the panhandle. This area is an interesting mix of early gentrification and rednecky old Florida. I like it. It's not so terribly high priced as the rest of the Gulf, suggesting I may settle here in senescence. Crystal River itself is about an hour and a half from Tampa and about 2 hours from Orlando. So if you want get on a 6:00am boat, you probably want to overnight it.
After Crystal River I spent the usual couple of days in Sarasota. I got to take a brief boat tour of Sarasota Bay something I haven't done in decades, and take in a Spring Training game. I wanted to see the Tigers but the schedule didn't work out. Not to worry though, in South Florida, you're never far from a Grapefruit League game. The Pirates play in the next city north, Bradenton, so I was able to catch a game before I flew out. As a bonus, right near the stadium there is an old-time barbershop -- two chairs, old guys sitting around telling dirty jokes -- so I figured what-the-hell.
I hopped in the chair and the fellow just asked. "Do you want a regular haircut?" I was unsure how to respond, I mean, at Great Clips they have all my haircutting records and history digitized. So I said "Sure." What followed was a five minutes cut with comb and clippers, he never touched the scissors. It was short but pretty darn good. The charge: $7. I gave him a $10 and told him to keep the change. After all then time I've spent in this area, it can still offer a new experience.
One thing that continues to fascinate me is how the veneer of civilized Florida is so thinly spread over the swamps and bayous. Trolling on a boat around Sarasota Bay you think nothing of seeing a stray manatee surface or a pair of dolphins hurdling the waves or a pelican plunging deep and coming up with a full beak. Everywhere you go the little geckos dart away at the sound of your footsteps. A State park full of gators and snapping turtles is usually within easy reach. Idiots buy exotic pets and abandon them to die in the wild, but they just thrive. Even in the middle of Disney World kids got to witness some real nature as a crane had landed in small garden and snapped up a gecko, swallowing it alive right in view of the children. Take that Animal Kingdom.
Despite centuries of development and what is perhaps the most virulent consumer culture known to man, Florida is still a tropical wilderness. If that's something you appreciate, you may be a Florida Man.
