Friday, December 10, 2004

Local Insanity: Ann Arbor has more than its share of the bizarre. One walk through the U of M diag during the Naked Mile or the Hash Bash would be proof enough, but here are a couple of things that stand out above the usual madness.

This unbelievable article in the Detroit Free Press details how Michigan defensive lineman Larry Harrison came to be arrested for indecent exposure. Get this:
Harrison, a suspect in 14 other cases of indecent exposure in campus neighborhoods since August, was caught in the act by a police officer who was part of a surveillance team, said Ann Arbor police Lt. Chris Heatley.

Apparently Ann Arbor has adopted a fifteen strikes and you’re out rule in these cases. Or maybe it's a fourteen strikes and we form a surveillance team rule.

"The charges are very serious and very alarming," coach Lloyd Carr said in a statement as the school suspended Harrison from the Jan. 1 Rose Bowl. "I can only hope they are not true."

Uh, Lloyd, he was caught in the act. I would try to imagine a situation where someone could be accidentally playing with himself on a stranger's porch but I might throw-up in my mouth.

The description of the suspect matched Harrison in several of the cases. In some of the incidents, the suspect covered his face. Harrison had been identified as a suspect before his arrest early Tuesday.

Police studied the U-M schedule and noticed the incidents stopped when Harrison was playing in out-of-town games. Heatley declined to give details of how Harrison, 6- feet-3, 313 pounds, was identified as a suspect.

A 6 foot 3, 315 pound man was able to evade the police by covering his face. If you say so. Luckily, someone in the AAPD had the bright idea that a man that size was probably a football player as opposed to an Art History TA.

Harrison, 20, appeared in 15th District Court wearing handcuffs, a yellow jersey and low-slung blue jeans without a belt. His attorney, Joe Simon, and his father, Larry Harrison, pulled Harrison's pants up to his waist several times during the arraignment.

I'm guessing Dad has been trying to get him to keep his pants up all his life.


In a wonderful case of life imitating me, compare this statement from a U of M activist group pushing for mandatory sex education,

"A Gender and Sexuality requirement will create new dialogues, challenge hegemonic discourse, break taboos and stigmas, and open up realms of communication between all students," states the students’ proposal, slowly being circulated among LSA faculty members. The plan would incorporate a wide swathe of issues, from classes on "Hollywood Masculinity" to those on gender and health.

with this passage of a U of M professor assigning a term paper from a book you may have heard of called Apple Pie:

"The topic of your term paper is," the Prof. said with flourish, as if he were introducing a play, "Themes of pious oppression in literature since 1950." He wrote it on the board so I had to believe my ears. He continued, "You must identify at least three such themes from your readings, either explicit or unconscious, and explore them fully..."

You see, you can’t make this stuff up.

By the way, Tom Wolfe's recent bestseller I am Charlotte Simmons, about what a cauldron of sexual promiscuity and political correctness the modern university is, was partially researched at Michigan. I'm sure it's a fine book, but if you'd like something with a closer perspective, possibly more realism, and almost certainly more humor, you know where to go.