Monday, February 24, 2003

Back from Bolivian: The premiere comic genius of our time, Mike Tyson, has once again reared his rather thick head. Let us all rejoice. The comedy team of Tyson and his tattoo fought a guy by the name of Clifford Etienne. For you unsophisticated types, that's pronounced ay-TEE-on, and the guy appears to be a tough as the sound of his name. It's a little known fact that Etienne is French for Palooka.

The fight itself was trivial. Tyson knocked out Etienne in 49 seconds flat. Etienne was immediately compared to Greg Louganis. Upon picking himself up from the canvas he was heard to say, "I still get my check, don't I?"

Of course, all the fun occurs after the fight during the press conference, where we are treated to one of Mike's finest stand-up routines.

"I like doing other things. I like getting high, hanging out with my kids. I like drinking," Tyson said. "I have so many demons."

Classic. And:

Tyson claimed after the fight that doctors told him he had a broken back from a 1997 motorcycle accident. His doctor said the injury was uncomfortable but nothing serious enough to keep him from fighting.

Best of all, there is the suggestion that our buddy Mike needs a reality series. Oh, please let this happen. I shall gather all his best dialog and publish "Living in Bolivian: The Wit and Wisdom of Mike Tyson" and make a gajillion dollars. Unfortunately, they seem to want to center this on following his training up to a fight. That's wrong. The only way to do it is to follow his daily life like the Osbournes or Anna Nicole. That would be the perfect comedy and the pinnacle of reality TV.