Butting Heads: I actually watched the end of the Metric Football World Cup Final and saw the now infamous Zidane headbutt live. Has to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Original reports suggested the Italian guy, Materazzi, said something about Zidane's mother or, possibly, even called him a terrorist (Oh, the horror!). Materazzi admits he insulted him, but said he didn't call him a terrorist because, "I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is." FIFA, the Federation Internationale de [Metric] Football Association, investigated the incident -- it's not clear if they also investigated whether Materazzi is, in fact, some kind of retard -- and decided to suspend both players even though Zidane has retired and is therefore suspended from games he doesn't have. Makes perfect sense.

As for Zidane, two things: 1) Sticks and stones, dude. Sticks and stones. 2) Where the hell did you come up with a headbutt, of all things? Why not just coldcock the guy? Did you think because it is Soccer you wouldn't get in trouble if you didn't use your hands? Look, if you're going to go down, go down in flames -- go for a full-on Ron Artest level meltdown. A headbutt? To the chest? What a butthead.