Donuts Anyone?: Snagged from the forums at Ars Technica:

• I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)


• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.


• Aren't you the guy from the Village People?


• Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!


• Are You Andy or Barney?


• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer


• You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?


• I pay your salary!


• Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!


• Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.


• I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.


• When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"


• What? You need a license to drive?


• Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!


• Is your power a penis substitute?


• Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk


• Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.


• Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.


• Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?


• A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind.


• Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?


• Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.


• Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.


• Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?


• My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal


• Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!


• Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?


• You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me


• In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?


• If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight


• Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?


• Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either


• Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut


• Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?


• Do you have any idea who you're talking to?


• There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.


• What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alcohol
  
• That uniform makes your ass look really big.


• You don't happen to have any beer in your car?


• I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.


• So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?